Just getting out of a long marriage and don’t feel like you know yourself anymore? Are you dreading getting back out there and dating again? Want to know how to get your mojo back so that you feel sexy and datable again? These questions really resonate with me as I went through this journey when I got out of a 10 year marriage.
I had to rediscover myself and find out who I was again. After being married for a long time, your identity gets wrapped up in your partner and you forget who you are and what makes you tick separate from that person. This is an important journey for every divorced person to go through as you need to know and understand who you are and what you want in order to attract that right person in your life.
The first thing that usually happens post-divorce is that you go through adolescence to reunite with your youth and feel alive again. You might go to the bars until the wee hours, have sex with partners significantly younger than you or try to date the exciting “bad boys” or “bad girls” that take you places you normally would never go.
This is a very important stage that helps you get that mojo and sexual confidence you once had when you were dating before marriage or perhaps never had. This dynamic also may provide an outlet for you as a way to escape from the stress of divorce and to make you feel good. Finally, you might finally be able to do things and get involved in activities that your spouse didn’t enjoy or didn’t want you to do. This is your time now so embrace it, own it, and have fun!
The second thing that happens often is that there is a transformation in your image. People tend to lose weight, get back into shape, have plastic surgery and buy new clothes. The external changes can give you a new sense of identity and internal confidence. Moreover, the reinforcement you might get from the opposite sex, family and friends can provide that motivation to get back out there and see that you are desirable.
Finally, take the time and learn how to date again. It’s a different world out there than how it used to be when you were in your twenties. I often tell people that you are fishing in a different pond with foreign fish. When you are in your twenties, the pond is filled with plenty of fish who all look pretty similar.
They may vary in color, but most fish are in the same place and if you catch one you can throw it back in and get another one easily. Later in life, the pond looks completely different, some fish have three eyes, some have gills missing and some look great! In other words, people have life experiences that are different than when you are young. The good news is that being older, you do have the life experiences to know who you are and what you want. So, enjoy taking your time fishing so that you can catch the right one!
As you are embarking upon this exciting journey, here are a few tips to help you along the way:
At the end of the day, enjoy this time in your life as it’s a chance to start over and rediscover yourself again. It can all be overwhelming but if you take your time and do even some of the aforementioned suggestions, you will start the process of feeling whole again and working towards finding the right person in your life!
This article originally published on YourTango.