Your bookshelves are lined with self-help books from which you can even recite excerpts and quotes, but to no avail. You are still single and have not attracted the right person in your life.
Many of my clients come to me frustrated, stating that they have done so much work on themselves and they still keep striking out in the dating battleground. So what is going on?
There are several challenges that people encounter when it comes to dating. I know being a therapist for many years that different issues arise based on many variables such as age, family of origin, previous relationships/patterns, living environments and many others.
So the truth of the matter is, not all “dating rules” apply to everyone.
When I coach clients now in the field I have them put away the books and feel the difference. Try throwing away all of the guidelines in your head and instead embody these secret weapons that will help you take action and transform your dating life.
1. Just Do It
Sometimes too much reading and not enough “doing” can really hold you back. You might have way too many facts and theories swimming in your head that you are forgetting to just be in the moment and have fun. You know all that you need to know so it’s time to take action and move past the fears and obstacles that are holding you back.
2. Create Connections
Avoid asking a million questions to your date and share personal stories instead. This allows your date to really “see” you, creates connection and elicits more exciting conversation between the two of you. Letting people know who you are and showing emotions and vulnerabilities will help you connect with him faster. The more you connect on an emotional level, the more someone will want to know you more.
3. Turn Your Cab Light On
Many times when you are too focused on the results you forget to be in the moment and you send messages with your body language that you are “closed.” You need to turn your cab light on and start sending smoke signals that you are available and open to talking.
For women, smile, laugh and make eye contact with men every time you walk into a room. It’s time to take off the blinders and take notice of who is looking at you. Men, connect with women with your eyes and don’t hesitate going over and saying hello. Avoid worrying about whether or not that person wants to talk with you. Rather, focus on what YOU want and get to know people. You’ll be surprised at how well received your willingness to engage with others will be when you are present and don’t hesitate.
4. Get Sexy
Sometimes when you are stuck in a rut and have a negative outlook on dating, you turn off your sexual drive and energy. Remember the art of flirting with your body and pay attention to the messages you give off. Avoid getting placed in the friend zone through the art of sexy conversation.
Friends talk about the weather, sports, and politics, so steer clear of those topics. Instead, share things about yourself that reveal more of who you are and create passion in your conversation. Also, don’t tell your whole life story to someone you’re interested in. Always leave them wanting more. Build mystery and excitement.
Overall, let go of the monkey chatter and theories that are swarming in your head. It’s time to get out there and implement all that you have learned by taking action. If you are still having a hard time getting out of your own way, contact me.