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Many women come to me perplexed as to why they aren’t meeting men. They tell me they have done all of this work on themselves, they go out all of the time and yet still are not being approached.
Women throw up their hands in frustration and profess, “men are just cowards these days!” I will then go to a social setting with these women and find that they are not flirting AT ALL.
After bringing that to their attention and teaching them to use flirting as an art of pursuit, a swarm of men come buzzing around us like bees to honey. They say; “This never happens when I go out…Did you plant these men?” I don’t insert “plants” nor slip anything in men’s drinks. It is simply what happens when you turn your “cab light” on so that men see you as approachable and fun. Many women cringe at the word “flirt” and have a lot of excuses and fears around it.
Here Are the Top 5 Excuses Women Make When It Comes to Flirting and How to Overcome Them:
“I’m not attracted to anyone”
Many women only turn it on when they are interested in or attracted to a man. The problem with being target-specific is that you are closing yourself off to many other opportunities. An older gentleman may have a son for you or the guy of your dreams is admiringly watching you from afar as you talk to someone else.
It’s important to talk to everyone no matter what age, gender or ethnicity and create a magnetic energy that draws people to you. Send smoke signals to everyone that you are available and open to talking. Smile, laugh and make eye contact with people every time you walk into a room. I have had many clients put this into practice and consequently meet someone when we coach together.
”I don’t want to give off the wrong signals”
Women often fear that if they show an interest in a man, then they will be falsely leading him on. Ladies, when you look at the definition of flirting, it is to behave as though attracted to or trying to attract someone, but without serious intentions. The key words are “without serious intentions.”
Flirting is meant to be playful and fun without worrying about the outcome. And isn’t that a great problem to have all of these men interested in you and YOU get to choose who you play with?
“I want him to like me for my intelligence, not as a sexual object”
Sometimes women lead with their intelligence because they want the man to respect them for who they are, rather than being sexually objectified. If your goal is to meet a bunch of men and be friends with them then yes, by all means, continue to have those intellectual interactions. But if your goal is to meet a man you want to date, then embrace your femininity.
Embodying your sexual, feminine side doesn’t mean you have to “dumb down” or lose who you are. Men just want to see you as positive, upbeat and playful which in turn increases their attraction to you as a woman. Be animated when speaking. Laugh and avoid too many serious debates or talk of work.
“I’m not comfortable doing those things”
Women often say that they think they have to be highly sexualized like Samantha in Sex And The City. The truth is that there are many ways to flirt and you have to discover the right and most comfortable technique for you.
For example, if you have a killer sense of humor you may want to flirt with men using your words. If you have stunning eyes play them up with makeup and use deliberate eye contact to reel them in. No matter what you do, flirting is essentially just showing the man you are interested.
“I don’t know how”
Whether you are just getting back out there after a long relationship or marriage or you simply never developed the skill, flirting can be a daunting task when you don’t know what you are doing. In the beginning when learning how to flirt, think of it as an experiment or showing a superficial interest in an idea, activity, or movement without committing oneself to it seriously.
Don’t focus too much on “getting it right,” and instead just try to enjoy the moment and let the interaction flow. Watch and hang around people who do it well. Watch movies and read books to see examples of what works. Then try it out on your own with your own style and see what happens. You’ll be amazed at how doing small things like smiling will get you big results.
In the end, being open for a man to come talk to you is half the battle. Take down your armor, let go of your tunnel vision and notice men all around you. Soon you’ll be having fun playing in the playground with the boys and they will in turn approach you.
If you still are struggling meeting men and want to learn the art of pursuit, contact me for a wing gal night out!
This article was originally published on Digital Romance.