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I hear clients tell me all of the time that guys often fall into one of two categories: ones that they are physically attracted to, but flawed, or ones that are just “nice guys” without chemistry.
One client repeatedly wrestled with this issue. This conundrum commonly led to relationships with struggling musicians and artist types that ended up with her financially supporting them. This was not what she wanted for a long-term relationship. She left each of those situations feeling used and unappreciated. Then she met a “nice guy” who had everything that she wanted in a man: stability, loyalty, and funny. But she was not physically attracted to him. She didn’t want to be shallow but couldn’t imagine spending the rest of her life with someone with whom she was not physically attracted to.
Does she pass on her dream man because she’s not physically attracted to him initially?
This is a common challenge I hear many women face. And then I hear my male clients complain that women only like “bad boys.” The truth is many people claim to not have “chemistry” with single people they meet. But I do believe there are some things you can do create chemistry with nice men!
Define Chemistry for Yourself
What does “chemistry” really mean to you?
People use this word all of the time to describe a feeling they get when attracted to someone. But chemistry can change and is comprised of different components. When you analyze it, it is easier to discern who is right for you rather than dismissing someone you didn’t get the butterflies with on the first date.
I show my clients how to create attraction and chemistry by breaking down what “attraction” means for you into its four elements: physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual. Define each area and then put a percentage on each as to how important it is for you. Then after you go out on a date, complete the chart and see where they fall on your chemistry chart. Overtime, it often changes. Overall, the more evenly distributed the percentages are, the longer a relationship lasts.
Break Your Patterns and Push the Boundaries
Perhaps you feel like that spark either happens or it doesn’t, and when it doesn’t you give up and move on. But by doing that, you might be missing out on a great partner!
Conversely, you meet a man for the first time and it feels magical. You are hypnotized with the intoxicating chemical reaction that draws you to him. He tells you how beautiful and sexy you are and that he can’t wait to see you again. Then out of nowhere he disappears.
So you have to ask yourself, how have your dating decisions worked for you?
If you are finding yourself confused, then try breaking your own pattern and stop dating in black and white. There is a lot of “grey” with dating so give the nice guys second chances and see if your chemistry chart changes!
Flirt With Everyone
Are you feeling like all first dates are boring? What if you had more control over the situation, and actually created amazing dates filled with chemistry and desire?
Many women complain that conversations can get boring on a date or when meeting a man for the first time. There are things you can do to change that by simply looking at how you are communicating. If you want to keep the communication flow going between you, pause and evaluate what you are offering and doing.
Avoid the drab interview-like dates and put more life into your interactions simply by changing your perception and actions during the first encounter. Many women only turn it on when they are interested in or attracted to a man. The problem with being target-specific is that you are closing yourself off to many other opportunities.
The essence of flirting is expressing your interest in someone without committing yourself too seriously. In a nutshell, flirting is supposed to be fun and playful! Think of going on a date with yourself. Would you want to date you? If you turn it up, sometimes the boring “nice” guys will turn it up when they feel that energy.
So the next time you are on a date, go in with the idea of having fun and breaking your old pattern. You may even start seeing how sexy nice guys can be! If you are still having trouble, definitely contact me.
Originally published on Digital Romance.