Whether you have been married or dating someone for a long time, feeling secure when it comes to dating after a long-term relationship is easier said than done.
People expect that dating is going to be easy but often it is not. The dating pool is different, and people have different life circumstances and stressors to contend with. Another problem when you are coming out of a divorce or long relationship is that your identity has been linked with your ex-partner for so long that you forget who you are separate from that person.
Other challenges can be dealing with the emotional turmoil of divorce, the responsibility of raising children, dealing with the loss of the relationship and keeping up with the demands of life. Despite its challenges, if you feel good about yourself and ready to start getting back out there and know what you want, finding love and dating can be fun.
It takes time and patience, but there are a few things you can do to get started and regain some of those dating skills that may have gotten rusty.
Change Your Mindset And Focus On You
The first step is to get back to the basics, by figuring out what your passions are and really getting in touch with your true self. Dating can be overwhelming, so focus on you first.
After being in a long term relationship people tend to stop doing what they used to love. Revisit the things that once inspired you and get involved again. Perhaps there are hobbies, places to travel or extracurricular activities that you’ve been wanting to do. Reconnecting with your passions will help you find the things that make you happy, focus on yourself and even meet other like-minded single people.
Experience Dating Without The Pressure Of A Relationship
After a long relationship many people try to numb the pain by quickly getting involved with someone else. That, however, is just a Band-Aid over a wound that needs time to heal.
Slow down and don’t worry about getting into another relationship right away. Instead use this opportunity to meet many people and get to know what you like and don’t like during this part of your life. You may find that you are in a different place and want different things when it comes to a partner. Think of it as being in a candy store where you are sampling many flavors and seeing what you like. Pace yourself!
It sounds so simple, but you need to let go of the urgency to find that perfect partner. The problem is that neediness and sense of desperation can cause your potential dates to run for the hills.
Instead, make dating fun. Find your inner child again by being playful and light. Avoid interrogating on your first date. Don’t ask a hundred questions to see if s/he meets your criteria for marriage. Avoid heavy conversations, talks about politics or religion or bland Q&A sessions that don’t create connection. The key is to be in the moment, authentic and come from a place of curiosity. Laugh, share stories, keep it light and ignite passion. You’ll have plenty of time to get to know them and see if they are the right one.
Dress The Part
Many of my clients who have not been out there dating awhile lose touch with having a sense of sexy style. They may find themselves stuck in a rut, still wearing clothes from when they first met their ex or wearing work clothes on their dates.Figuring out how to dress to attract the opposite sex is essential when it comes to attraction and making a great first impression. Dress in a way that makes you look and feel confident.
For women: Your primary focus should be to dress in a feminine way that honors your figure. When choosing your outfit and thinking about key essentials, keep in mind that men love women in dresses, skirts, jewelry and heels.
For men: Don’t underestimate the power of your clothes with the ladies! Make sure you update your wardrobe by getting clothes that are youthful, fit your body well and have a unique personal style that suits you. Impress her by looking casually stylish with a few of these staples: a pair of well fitted jeans, a stylish shirt, leather jacket and clean shoes or boots.
At the end of the day, confidence is the number one element both men and women find attractive in each other. When you feel confident and ready to date, you’ll attract love and opportunity in your life!
By keeping these simple tips in mind, you will find dating interesting, exciting and a great opportunity to really get to know yourself. If you are looking for ways to gain experience in dating, contact me at my website and join me in my wing gal coaching sessions!
This article was originally published on Digital Romance.