It was six months after my divorce. The doorbell rang. I slowly opened the door and saw a gorgeous 5’7″ voluptuous woman with piercing blue eyes, long straight blonde hair that reached her hips, wearing a tight colorful button down shirt, fitted jeans that hugged her perfect figure and 3-inch heels. The fragrance of vanilla and lavender knocked me over. It was Laura, another single mom veteran who had been in the dating battleground for over 5 years. As Laura greeted me with a warm hug and a comforting smile, I glanced in the hallway mirror at my frumpy silhouette draped in an old black maternity shirt, sweat pants and flip-flops. I excused myself as I ran into the bathroom and sprayed some air freshener on my body. Was this what she used? I don’t think so as I now reeked of cool rocky springs and mint. It was this extreme contrast with what Laura was doing and what I was lacking that made me suddenly realize that I had a lot of work to do on myself, especially if I wanted to get out of my frumpy persona and into a sexy dateable one.

Feeling secure when it comes to dating after divorce is easier said than done, especially when it has been a while. Many women struggle with their confidence. The bottom line, however, is when you feel confident, you attract love in your life. Here are some dos and don’ts for attracting a man so you can be on your way to feeling “dating confident.”

 

1. DON’T Be closed. Many times when you are too focused on the results, you forget to be in the present. You feel insecure and inadvertently send messages with your body language that you are closed and unapproachable. Avoid standing with your arms folded or holding a purse in front of your body like a shield.

DO smile at everyone around you. Invite people into your world. Notice I say smile at everyone, not just at the guy you’re interested in. This is because smiling radiates positive energy and can cause powerful things to happen. For example, let’s say you give a warm smile to the older lady standing behind you in line at the grocery store. That hot guy a few feet away in the produce section might notice, get the impression that you’re a friendly person, and come talk to you. See how that works?

2. DON’T dress in clothes that don’t fit your body. Although some of the trends now are big flowing tops, not every body type can wear that style. In addition, often women who feel self-conscious about their weight will wear bigger clothes in attempt to conceal the parts they don’t like. Actually, bigger clothes add weight and can make you appear bigger. Men love simplicity and to see a woman’s figure. They don’t care what is “trending” they just want to see that you have a nice style and that you OWN your body no matter what size you are.

DO dress femininely. Whenever you’re meeting a man — especially if it’s for the first time — embrace your feminine, sexy side. Put away the boyfriend jeans, the Uggs and your corporate blazers, and slip on a sexy pair of heels and a gorgeous dress that you look and feel absolutely amazing in. Trust me — he will love it. Wear skirts, create softness and be light and open.

3. DON’T be negative. Men get completely turned off if they perceive you as controlling, overpowering, a know-it-all, or that you are treating the guy like a business partner. If you work in a stressful work setting and you have a date after work, make sure you “shake off the day” so that you can get into a fun, flirty mood.

DO have fun! It sounds so simple but letting go of the urgency to find that perfect partner and need to “interview” hundreds of men on dates can be freeing and make dating fun. Avoid interrogating the guy on your first date with a hundred questions to see if he meets your criteria for marriage. Instead laugh, share stories, show your sense of humor, be light, be feminine, ignite the chase and create intrigue and mystery. Make him want more by exhibiting the fun, playful side of yourself so that you can get to the second date. You are not jumping into a relationship with anyone on a first date or meeting, so just kick back and have fun. You’ll have plenty of time to get to know if he is the right one

 

So next time you are out and about or on a first date, pay attention to these areas that influence attraction. What is exciting about these secret tips is that they are easy things to change, incorporate and experiment with in order to see if you get a different result with men. For more tips on knowing how to turn heads, make sure you sign up for my free guides and newsletters.

 

 

 

Originally published on the Huffington Post.