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By Mauro at Efficacious Seduction
Do you want to know how to attract a woman?
I know… every man craves this secret knowledge… but most of men don’t have any clue.
They think that women are attracted to men for sooo many wrong reasons.
I want you to get rid of wrong ideas that will lead you into failure with women…but I am not going to tell you what attracts women…
…I am going to do something better ????
I asked a few experts – psychologists, body language experts, dating coaches – for something practical that you could use right away.
Of course their answers were really interesting.
I asked them this question:
“Based on your studies/researches/experience, what’s one thing that a man can do to attract a woman when he meets her for the first time?”
So that next time you meet a woman, you can do something to give her a good (or great!) first impression…and maybe spark that initial attraction in her.
Here you go:
GIVE HER THE EYE
You can thank Harvard psychologist Zick Rubin for this one. Rubin set out to see if you could measure love scientifically and achieved it by recording the amount of time lovers spent staring at each other. He discovered couples who are deeply in love, look at each other 75% of the time when talking and are slower to look away when someone else dares to intrude. In normal conversation, people look at each other between 30-60% of the time. The significance of what’s now known as Rubin’s Scale is obvious: it’s possible to tell how ‘in love’ people are by measuring the amount of time they spend gazing adoringly. Some psychologists still use it during counseling to work out how much affection couples feel for each other. It’s also happens to be remarkably handy information if you want to make someone fall in love with you.
Here’s how it works: If you look at someone you fancy 75% of the time when they’re talking to you, you trick their brain. The brain knows the last time someone looked at them that long and often, it meant they were in love. So it thinks OK, they’re obviously in love with this person as well, and starts to release phenylethylamine (PEA). PEA is the chemical cousin to amphetamines and it’s secreted by the nervous system when we first fall in love. PEA is what makes your palms sweat, your tummy flip over and your heart race. The more PEA the person you fancy has pumping through their bloodstream, the more likely they are to fall in love with you. While you can’t honestly force someone to adore you if they’re not remotely interested, (they won’t let you look into their eyes for that long, for a start!) it is entirely possible to kick-start the production of PEA using this technique. Try it. I think you’ll be pretty impressed with the results. Give someone the sensation of feeling in love whenever they’re with you and it’s not such a huge leap of logic for them to finally decide they are!
DON’T LOOK AWAY
There was another crucial finding from Rubin’s research: the couples took longer to look away when someone else joined the conversation. Again, if you do this to someone who’s not in love with you (yet), you trick their brain into thinking they are and even more PEA floods into their bloodstream. Relationships expert Leil Lownes calls this technique making ‘toffee eyes’. Simply lock eyes with the person you fancy and keep them there, even when they’ve finished talking or someone else joins the conversation. When you eventually do drag your eyes away (three or four seconds later), do it slowly and reluctantly – as though they’re attached by warm toffee. This is one of those techniques which doesn’t sound terribly inspired but, believe me, if done properly it literally can take your breath away. (If you’re too shy to openly gaze, skip the toffee and think bouncing ball. Look away and at the other person who’s joined the conversation, but every time they finish a point or sentence, let your eyes bounce back to the person you fancy. This is a checking gesture – you’re checking their reactions to what the speaker is saying. It also effectively lets them know you’re more interested in them than the other person.)
There’s another great advantage to making ‘toffee eyes’: it will make you seem more intelligent. Most people look away immediately you’ve finished speaking because they’re comprehending what you’ve said and gathering their thoughts. Looking into space rather than at your face, reduces distraction. Quick, sharp thinkers process new information easily. They continue looking into someone’s eyes when they’ve finished speaking because they’ve already absorbed the message and are ready for you to continue.
A first impression happens within the first thirty seconds of meeting someone. People, especially women, size you up instantly based on what you look like, and they use that assessment to decide whether they want to get to know you. In fact, 55% of the impression you make is based solely on your appearance so you can literally increase the odds of your dating success and attraction by 55% percent just by paying attention to the clothing you wear. I’ve interviewed countless women and the number one attribute that makes a woman’s head turn is a man appearance. The goal in dating is to captivate a potential mate and line up a first date. Although it may seem shallow, women (as well as men) instantly make judgments and assumptions based on how you’re dressed and what your attitude/body language says. Your style can instantly tell a story about you. There is a message in what you wear and when you look put together women are drawn to what appears to be a confident, successful and caring man.
Also, men often get caught up with their own thoughts that ultimately cause them to become distracted with internal dialogue and not present with the woman. For instance, a man will try and come up with clever lines, try to impress her by talking about himself or worry too much about what to say rather than stating something that relates to the woman. Most women love when a man talks with them in a focused, attentive and authentic way. The key is to use sharp observation skills and notice something about her that you are authentically curious about so that you can have a great meaningful conversation. Avoid hesitating and let go of agonizing about what to say. Rather, be in the moment and learn something interesting about her.
To attract quality women naturally when you first meet them, no trick is going to cut it. You must ALREADY be the kind of man who is comfortable in his own skin. I call this being a Benevolent Badass = a strong man who is at ease and who enjoys himself and others.
There are a few ways to bring out your inner Benevolent Badass: (1) Dwell on your strengths so you can perceive yourself as equal to her, instead of less than. (2) Dress and present yourself well, the most important aspect of which is having simple clothes that fit you well. (3) Focus on connecting and having a genuinely great time.
These things are not a quick fix, but they are infinitely more powerful for attracting quality, discerning woman than a shady trick or gimmick would be.
Confidence is the key, not over assertive or arrogant but self confident in your demeanor, good posture is automatically perceived as confident by more than 60% of people.
Dr. Lillian Glass
Body language wise, look right at the woman’s face, have a genuine smile with your eyes crinkled and cheeks raised and teeth showing, lean in towards the woman, and have your feet pointing in her direction.
If you want to attract a woman, you have to make sure you stand out from all the other guys. You can do this in a number of ways, such as dressing well, being mysterious or making her laugh. However, the very best thing you can do is to intrigue her by showing how genuinely confident you are.
I’m not suggesting for a second that you need to be arrogant – that’s a complete turn off – but show you are a happy, positive person who is completely comfortable in their own skin. So smile, have open body language and make sure you have lots going on in your life. Confidence is sexy, especially when you make her feel the same by showing she is the most important person to you in the moment you meet. To do this, ask lots of questions and pay attention to her answers. After all, people like people who like them.
If you can demonstrate that spending time with you is something that would make her life a little better, she’s naturally going to be drawn to you.
A man needs ditch his nerves completely! A lot of dating coaches say that it’s OK to show your nerves and to be vulnerable. However, I completely disagree with this. A woman might think your nerves and shyness are cute, but cute is not a turn on. We never say: “I had to sleep with that guy because he was just so cute”.
A woman will not sleep with a man out of pity, no matter what the movies tell you. So rid yourself from the nervous laugh, never start you questions with the uncertain “So…” and never be apologetic unless of course you have actually done something wrong.
The best thing a guy can do to attract in a woman is to let your gaze linger just a little longer than normal. That’s going to send the sign that you’re interested. When you get in closer proximity a well timed touch of the arm or knee shows that you want to connect more deeply. And if you match her body movements just a bit, you’ll create a deep unconscious connection that she won’t be able to say no to.
First of all, a big thank you to all the experts who shared their expertise and knowledge with us.
There are so many great suggestions here…even using just a few of them can make a big difference in your results with women!
By reading all the answers from the experts you may have noticed a common theme – If you haven’t, I’ll tell you what it is.
First impression matters a lot, but don’t think it’s about faking it. It’s about working on yourself, becoming a better more confident man with a strong body language – remember that body language is a reflection of your inner world.
Sure, it takes time, but it’s well worth it.
And you have some wonderful tips to start.
Officially published on the Efficacious Seduction website.