I was sitting in a trendy restaurant here in Los Angeles with a potential client who was finding dating a daunting task.

When asked what was challenging for him, he theorized that he just doesn’t meet or see anyone he is interested in. Then out of nowhere appeared a goddess that struck him like lightning. Under the spell of her beauty, he suddenly became paralyzed. This was the same man who 30 seconds prior to the encounter was complaining how his only problems have to do with the quality of women that are out there. And there he stood in the dark corner of the restaurant, staring at this “quality” woman speaking unintelligible words and stunned by her perceived magnificence.

I asked him why he doesn’t just go up to her and say hello. First it was because it wasn’t the right timing; “She looks busy.” he said. Then he predicted, “She won’t want to talk to me when she is with her children.” And then after an hour he said; “She won’t want to date someone like me.” Sadly after 2 hours of him contemplating and overthinking, she left and he realized he needed to hire me.

This is one of the common scenarios I see when I coach men out in the field. Besides the paralyzing effect that occurs when some men are attracted to women, there are other collective mistakes that men make when approaching women.

 

Getting Stuck In The Head

Men often get caught up with their own thoughts that ultimately cause them to become distracted with internal dialogue and not present with the woman. For instance, a man will try and come up with clever lines, try to impress her by talking about himself or worry too much about what to say rather than stating something that relates to the woman.

Most women love when a man talks with them in a focused, attentive and authentic way. The key is to use sharp observation skills and notice something about her that you are authentically curious about so that you can have a great meaningful conversation. Avoid hesitating and let go of agonizing about what to say. Rather, be in the moment and learn something interesting about her.

 

Being Passive and Reactive

Men commonly wait for that perfect moment to move in or wait for her to give him a blatant signal. Often this relates to a man’s lack of confidence, fear of rejection and worrying too much about a negative outcome.

The truth is that women are drawn to an alpha male who is proactive, confident and able to take the bull by the horns without hesitation. In fact, many attractive women never get approached because of the fear men have around rejection.

When you look at an opportunity as experience rather than the fear of failure and recognize your own value, you will be able to talk with anyone without hesitation. Take action into your own hands and don’t wait for her. Elicit fun, engaging interaction by making a statement or asking a question that relates to her at the time. Don’t be that guy in the restaurant who missed his opportunity.

 

Too Much Predicting and Not Enough Listening

Many men predict how women might feel or how she will act instead of asking questions and listening. You will learn way more about her and connect on a deeper level by having a woman share her thoughts and feelings. So instead of saying to her, “You must be hungry… let’s eat”, ask her, “How are you feeling… are you hungry or would you like to start with a drink?”

Women think, talk and relate in emotions so if you can connect with her in feeling-based questions she will really respond positively to you. Conversations should be like a ping-pong match, going back and forth with some pauses in between and with reciprocity.

So next time you are out and about or on a first date, pay attention to these 3 mishaps and how they may be impacting your interaction with women. In order to avoid missing some magical opportunities it’s important to become self-aware so that you can make changes and get positive results!

 

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This article was originally published on Digital Romance.